February 6, 2016

Valentines Day Giveaway

***GIVEAWAY***

Just in time for Valentines Day I want to give away a ticket to A Reason to Stand online day March 4th along with both of my books. (or if the winner will be in the Boise Idaho area, you can have the option to get a ticket for the live event on March 5th)

To enter:
1.Tag a friend who deserves to feel loved this week
2. Leave a comment on something you love about yourself

I will pick a winner on Valentines Day. One here, one on Facebook, and one on Instagram. Love yourself this week!

*If you are looking for a good Valentines day present for yourself or someone you love, this week tickets to both online and Boise will be half off with the code "LOVE" at checkout on www.areasontostand.com
 

February 5, 2016

LOVE: How to find love when you feel alone

As Valentines Day approaches love is in the air. 

Love. 

We all want it. We want to give it. We want to receive it. We want it to surround us. Sometimes we wait around for love to come and complete us, other times it takes us by surprise. But love—or the lack of it—drives us.

I think to some extent, or at some time in our life, we all battle the false belief that we are not enough; aren’t loveable; are worthless; are unworthy; or in someway do not add up to an ideal we—or we think others—perceive we should be.

So how on earth are we all going to love each other when many days our own self-love is in question? How can we give ourselves to another person fully, if we are still trying to figure out who that self is?

I have been down this road many times in my life—battling beliefs that tried to drown out all truths. I remember as a young high school girl thinking that I would truly find who I was when I found the right guy to tell me so. And yet—every time anyone would get close enough I would push him away.

And so it went. I had little trust in men—and little faith in myself. But I still looked for love, and felt I needed it to be whole.

Then one day, there he was. He swept me off my feet and for the first time I let down my guard. He became my sense of worth. Every whisper in my ear was my motivation to be better. Every word he spoke encouraged me to remember how amazing I was.

Our wedding day was sweet. I felt beautiful and worthy. Children born brought even more fulfillment, as he encouraged me as their mother. Every sense of who I wanted to be came from his approval.

For years this newfound feeling of worth was empowering. He believed in me. He saw me. I found great joy in being a wife and a mother. It completed and fulfilled me. Life was busy, and the days were long—but I was living my dreams.

Looking back now I should have known better than to build my worth on living a dream. I wish I had figured out on my own that I had value and purpose. I wish I would have known that finding it in another person could be life shattering.

A few months after our fifth child was born, that lie found me again. Only this time it was weaved with actual proof that I had not been enough. In a matter of seconds I learned of two bullets that would change me. Two bullets that not only ripped into my husband’s chest and forehead—they would sound in my mind for years to come. Those bullets told tales of the lies that were defiling everything I thought I had—they told the secrets I had not known. Those bullets were proof that what I had believed all those years ago was true—I was not enough. Not for my husband, or the other woman and her husband—not for the gun. Nobody.

Tears don’t cry out the feeling that you are not enough. They just build it stronger.

I have remarried an amazing man who has helped me heal in so many ways. We have had many ups and downs. We have fought to see each other, but this time has been much harder—knowing how easy it is to lose—giving my whole heart. The first years of our marriage I longed to feel whole and to give him what I felt he deserved as a husband. I wanted to be the carefree girl who put everything into him and based her happiness on his love—but I couldn’t. I didn’t know how to love, because I still hated myself and longed for all the sense of worth I thought I had lost when that gun fired.

Well next month it will have been five years. And I have learned a thing or two about those lies. They aren’t what is real. I have learned many truths that I work every day to replace them.
  
We have to love ourselves. Not in a egotistical kind of way, but in an eternal worth kind of way. Finding love for our self is hard. We are our own worst enemies when we are believing our own lies. Fear is our constant companion when we are waiting around for the ones who don't come, or don't love us in the ways we think we deserve. 

Happiness is a choice. We cannot base our happiness on anything or anyone that we can one day lose. Others can add to our happiness, but cannot be the foundation of our worth. Happiness can be ours even when others are not making good choices or do not see us how we want to be seen; we can even be happy when others are miserable. And that is truth I can finally clearly see. Someday I will perfectly live this truth—but until then I will do my best trying.

Being enough comes from within ourselves as a gift from God. Being enough doesn’t come from another person. Changing this lie to a truth can be liberating, but it can only be changed by truths from within. Forgiveness of—not only those who have not been there for you but—yourself. The first step is realizing that it was a lie you had told yourself over and over again . . . that it was some else’s job to create your happiness.  

Connecting ourselves—not to another person to give us that sense of who we are—but to our true self and to God.  I wish that came naturally for me. I wish twelve years ago before I said, “I DO!” to a man, I would have first said it to me.

So to all you ladies (and gentlemen) who think that love will solve the voids inside—please don’t wait. Love is not something you have to wait around for. It is a gift you will much better be able to give once you know to do it alone. Turn to God for your sense of worth. He will always be there and see you as the perfect creation you are.


 It is not others that make us a princess, it is God that sees us as a queen. It is not men that make us great. It is Him.
(Bailey Halloween 2008)




*I sat down at my computer to write a Valentines article for Deseret, and instead wrote this. I have been speaking at a lot of singles events lately and this is a truth I have been thinking a lot about. And as I prepare for A Reason to Stand on March 4th (online) and 5th (live in Boise) I have had many opportunities to contemplate the true meaning of forgiveness of others and of self. 

Valentines Day is just another day. It doesn't have to be a reminder of all we do not have, or all we have lost.  It can be a day to remember some truths about the real purpose of love and how to find it within ourselves. Hope everyone has a wonderful weekend! 

January 31, 2016

His Grace


This talk has meant a lot to me and Shawn. We listen to it often, and have learned something new every time. A perfect description of what we believe grace means.

January 29, 2016

Forgiveness

I am so honored to be hosting this conference in Boise again. Excited to start announcing presenters next week. I know there are so many of our friends in the Boise area who could benefit form this conference. And even more around the world for the online day that Friday. Please pass on the info and help me share this message!
"Forgiveness from within" is the theme this year and each presenter and class is going to be about tools and experiences centered around forgiveness. 
Forgiveness is such a unique journey for every one of us, but is so important in our healing. As we learn the tools of true forgiveness, grace becomes possible in our stories. 
I know so many--if not all of us--have a story that has been hard. This conference doesn't just unite victims to empower each other. It will deliver tools to survivors who are ready to live life unfrozen. It will empower not only your mind, but your spirit to reach deep inside the broken pieces and fill your emptiness with the love it has been seeking. I believe in these tools and these lessons that I, and the other presenters will teach, with all my heart. And I hope as you come, your heart too will find the peace and healing that you seek.

Presenters can be found here. 

January 28, 2016

How to find God as you battle Imperfection and Loneliness

I always feel inadequate for the job of writing marriage articles for FamilyShare.com. Thanks for letting me anyway. We all have much to learn in this thing called relationships. So grateful I get to learn by sharing moments He has given me to remind me of His love.



January 27, 2016

Protecting our Children

A few weeks ago our kids and I were looking for a family night message video on our big screen. I began typing in the words to find the video, and with one wrong letter entered, soon inappropriate life size pictures were blaring in our faces. I screamed, "Everyone cover your eyes!!!" as I fumbled to remove the images from the screen. 

My night went from a wonderful delightsome family night, to a feeling of being wracked with fear about not being able to protect my family . . . in a matter of seconds.

I was sick to my stomach for hours thinking about how many times I had talked and talked with the kids about what to do if someone ever showed them inappropriate pictures. I never thought that someone would accidentally be me.

So this topic of inappropriate and pornographic pictures has been on my mind for a few weeks. I wish there was a way could shield our children from ever seeing anything we didn't want them to see. Or that we lived in a world where these things disn't exist . . . but they do. And no one is exempt from having these nasty images pop up and threaten our children's innocence.

An amazing lady who has studied the science of the brain, and how different pictures effect children is doing a free webinar with my sponsor for our online event coming up in March. Her name is Kristen A. Jenson.

So any mothers or father's, or grandmas and grandpas who want to learn more, hop onto their webinar in a few weeks!! Tuesday February 9th at 10:30am-12.


To join the webinar via PC, Mac, iOS or Android, simply click this link on February 9, a little before 10:30am MThttps://zoom.us/j/250826886
To join via phone, Dial 1-646-568-7788 or 1-415-762-9988 and enter Webinar/Meeting ID: 250 826 886

January 25, 2016

Talking about grief and loss



I used to think that grief was an event, more than a process. It is so interesting to talk to others who have had their own journey of overcoming a loss and the different processes grief can take.

It is always crazy to me how grief works. One day you go about like normal, and the next one little trigger sends you into a tail spin. No matter how many years have passed, or healing you have done, grief can still peak its head into your life.

Please remember you are never alone. There are so many people who are fighting similar battles. Grief is not just about death. We start a grieving process anytime life doesn't go the way we planned. Sometimes it is merely the loss of a story of the life we always thought we would live. Grief doesn't have to be lonely.

I always learn so much talking to these ladies, I love that their grief has brought them closer to the Savior. Thank you for your examples of faith and the wonderful insight you bring into my life.

January 19, 2016

Bostyn and Bailey at the talent show



The twins performed this weekend in their school talent show. I am so excited that they share their gift of music in such a unique way. They compiled two of their favorite songs into this duet. I love that even with the microphone malfunction they didn't even break. They make me smile.

January 17, 2016

What our children need most

What our Children need most. Read full article on Family Share here: http://familyshare.com/parenting/the-one-thing-your-children-need-most

January 15, 2016

A Reason to Stand Review

Here is a sweet article the Standard Examiner in Ogden wrote about attending my last conference. They even made a little video of clips from the conference and our interview.

http://www.standard.net/Local/2015/10/25/Cheating-husband-s-murder-propels-Idaho-woman-to-stand-tall.html







 
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