February 3, 2018

Divorce

As I stand at a crossroad in my life— this past month—I have been guided to some really tough choices. Like many times before... leading me to a path I did not choose. But after years of fighting some impossible battles...to avoid this reality, I wanted to share with those of you who have followed our healing journey—Shawn and I are officially divorced.

It has not been an easy choice—letting go of the family I thought we had created—and there are parts of our life together I will always be so grateful for. We made it through some impossible days, but as time has gone on, we were both finding strength in two different paths and there came a time when we no longer could support each other on those journeys.

I have—and always will—see Jordyn as one of my own. She and I have always had a strong connection and are a lot a like. My heart hurts not having her apart of our daily lives.

I don’t want to dwell on the “whys” and “what ifs”, I have already asked all of those questions many times. So what I would ask of all of you—moving forward—is that we focus on the positives that life will bring and rally around six children who are hurting and in transition.

Shawn and I shared many good days, many of which I have felt impressed to share on social media, other days...we fought silent battles we didn’t feel the desire to open to the world. We gave each other strength during a hard time of life, and I hope that no one turns this into a reason to be unkind or lose faith in the many blessings we each receive to give us strength on our unique paths.

I am at peace, and I know that— just like in other pivotal moments in my life—God has a plan for me and believes in me as a mother, a woman, a wife, and as a person capable of giving and receiving love. I have faith that I can and will continue to be the woman I have always strived to be.

I don’t know how much time I am going to need to get things figured out for the future, but I pray that this community—of fighters that have held us up so many times before—will stand with us as we continue on a journey we started long ago...with a promise of peace and healing and all the light this world has to offer.

I don’t think anyone plans that one day they will have to choose divorce, but I do know that we can choose to be happy regardless of the circumstances we find ourselves in—in life. And we can choose to move forward. I have so much to be thankful for. And I am grateful for each of you and your continued support and understanding as I—just like you—navigate an unknown future full of valleys and mountains. Continually passing through lessons to help me find courage in myself, and even greater faith in our God.

He is real, and we need His strength through the good times, and the hard. Those crossroads—the days that feel impossible and lonely—they are just moments. Moments that we can still choose to stand.

9 comments:

revbradl said...

Ashlee, Thank you for your candor. God is good - - All the time! Divorce is an incredibly difficult experience, but definitely one you and your kids can get through as you cling to Jesus and your extended family. My prayers are with you all.

Angela Boyko said...

I have always admired your candor and your positivity. My thoughts are with you and all six children.

momof7 said...

I love you, Ashlee! I admire Everything about you, your faith, your strength and your example of love and light. You are all in my prayers. I still wish we could meet each other someday! Thank you for your beautiful gift of hope, strength and perserverance.!!
Shelly

KB Stanger Art and Design said...

I will not lie, it is sad to hear this, as it always is when a family is separated. However, God is good and will continue to bear you up. Although love amongst us mortals can be painfully imperfect, there is nothing that can separate us from the perfect love of Christ. As soon as I read this, I said a prayer for you and Shawn and your kids. I know you are a survivor and your children (and women all around the world too) are so blessed to witness your example.

Roots To Hold Me said...

I am so sorry! I am in a second marriage also, the trials that come with it are so difficult, no one can prepare you for them. I know that I am a good person and my husband is a good person, but often times past trauma pulls us apart. I continue to be amazed by you and all that you do on here and for so many women who are suffering and for your faith in God. I am so sorry for your children and their pain. You are a beautiful example of light and hope. My heart is with all of you.

Ashley Langston said...

I am sad to hear this. I have walked a similar battle to you and followed you since your Dr. Phil days (I too was on Dr. Phil, not for my similar story for for helping another family with finances.) My prayers are with you Ashlee. This time, you know you have the strength that one day I am sure you doubted before. God is good and He restores. XOXO

Mari said...

Ashlee,

You have always been a beautiful example to me. May you be blessed with the courage and strength you need to move forward. I will never forget one of your blog posts called: "What If... I Jump?" It changed the way I look at life.

One thing that struck me from that post, was what your mom said to you.

You wrote:

With her usual wisdom, Mom spoke the words I needed to hear that day . . . “Ashlee, what if everything happens that has already happened? You have been where most of us in this life will never be. You have felt more pain at your young age than most people who walk the earth will ever see in all their years. You loved Emmett, and he broke your heart, but he didn’t break you. You are capable of still living all the dreams you have ever had. Even if Shawn walks away and leaves you, you will be the same person you are now. You will still be standing.”

You will still be standing!

No matter what happens. No matter "what if."

That changed me.

One thing I have learned since my husband died, is that I am still whole without him. I was shocked that after he died, I was still me. It was not him who completed me... it is Jesus who completes me, and makes me whole. So, no matter what happens -- or who comes in-and-out of my life -- as long as I have Jesus... I will be whole! And this is true for everyone.

You are still whole, with Jesus! You will always be whole with Him! And I know you love Him so much, as you have declared many times.

Thank you for sharing your experiences with us! The day after my husband died, I turned to your blog searching for some answers, and I found them! You have given me the courage to stand many times, and I am grateful to you for that.

So much love to you on your new journey.

You are going to do beautiful things. I believe in YOU!

Mari

Reenie said...

Oh gosh... so sorry to hear this. God Bless you all.

Wendy said...

I’m so sorry Ashlee. I can’t imagine the pain you and your family are going through. You will be in my thoughts and prayers. How ever difficult it is right now I know you will get through it and find happiness and peace in life again.

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