May 1, 2016

I will stand

Last night I had that bad dream. The one with the crying baby and the slammed door and the gun. Only this time when I got to the part with the detectives, I was sitting across from myself. But I was both characters. In one sentence I could feel all the pain from the past. Then I became the other person and I bore my soul to myself. I talked about angels and grace. I told myself about all the moments that I knew I wouldn't be alone. I pleaded with myself to fight and screamed all the reasons why I was going to have to be strong. 
Then I became her again. The broken girl. Alone. Afraid. I looked around the room as it began to spin. The voices of my new reality swarming all around me. My eyes searched for something to look to. And then there I was...I looked into my own eyes staring across from me. I could feel myself pulling me to fight. I could feel the whirl wind of fear trying to bring me down. It was almost like a battle between darkness and light. 
But then all the sudden I was filled with this unmeasurable amount of strength. In my head my own voice calling my name and saying, "Ashlee...It will be hard...it will be dark...it will be humiliating...it will be lonely...and it will feel impossible. But you will stand." 
All the sudden the noise became more quiet. The voices of the detectives still repeated the facts of that night but the little broken girl who once sat alone on the couch...was standing. 

6 comments:

Cristi said...

So powerful. Thank you for sharing.

Cristi said...

So powerful. Thank you for sharing.

glenda said...

Peace and strength to you always! YOU will STAND! Thank you for sharing your life with all of us!

Stephanie Sanders said...

That is Awesome!! Thank You for sharing and being open and honest and real!!You are shining your light in a fallen and dark world!!! You are living proof that what satan the devil meant for your harm what he meant to destroy you, God Himself took and brought good. There are hurting people all over and God Almighty is using you to touch His people. To show them there is Hope!!! God is Real and Alive and His Son Jesus died for Us. He will give us everything else. Thanks be to God!!! Ashlee You Go Girl!!! God Is Love!! Amen

Stephanie Sanders said...

That is Awesome!! Thank You for sharing and being open and honest and real!!You are shining your light in a fallen and dark world!!! You are living proof that what satan the devil meant for your harm what he meant to destroy you, God Himself took and brought good. There are hurting people all over and God Almighty is using you to touch His people. To show them there is Hope!!! God is Real and Alive and His Son Jesus died for Us. He will give us everything else. Thanks be to God!!! Ashlee You Go Girl!!! God Is Love!! Amen

Ashlee and Shawn said...

Wow. Thank you Stephanie!! 😘

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