December 31, 2015

New Beginnings—remembering the past, looking to the future, and living for right now

At the New Year we reflect upon the last 365 days, and forward to that many to come. It is a celebration of a new beginning. Whatever we did in the past is behind us, and we stand at a new chapter—unwritten.

We set ideals; we write stories in our minds of what the New Year will bring. As we commit to our goals—many of which will never be met—we anticipate that our obtaining them will bring us the happiness that last year lacked.

We hope with anticipation that this year will be void of last year’s problems. We secretly wish that we will catch our big break—and it will be some else’s turn to have problems.

Will there really be a year full of love, happiness, peace, and joy; and completely void of hardships and pain?

As I have reflected over this past year I have posed that question to myself on many levels, and today I think I found the answer. NO.

Here is the real question that needs answered. Is there ever even a DAY that is void of problems, struggles, or pain? And to that the answer is the same. NO. Every day brings about some form of challenge. Every single day—these past 365 days—has been hard in some way.

So what am I going to do now? Pretend that next year is going to be smooth if I lose 10 pounds and stop chewing my nails? No way. I have spent the last thirty-three New Years pretending that the hard times had passed—and every time a new challenge has been presented I am completely shocked and disappointed. I feel as though I have failed—or worse—someone else has failed me.

So this year, as I make goals for what I want next year to bring, I am going to start out with a realistic view.

Life is going to be hard. It is going to be full of days filled with disappointments, and struggles. My kids are going to mess up, and argue, and scratch the paint on my car. My husband and I are going to disagree, and sometimes—even fight. We are going to miss date nights for ballet recitals, and snuggle time for cleaning up barf. Some days we are going to be spread so thin, we are going to wonder how to juggle it all. The laundry is never going to end, and the cars are never going to stay cleaned. I am going to question myself. Some days I am going to suck as a mom—some moments I am going to be the worst wife. I am going to fail . . . every . . . single . . . day.

But as I write my goals for this year I am going to remember all the good that came through the pain last year. I am going to remember all the prayers that we said as we knelt together for answers through our struggles. I am going to remember the moments when we smiled, even through the bumps in the road. I am going to remember all the times we laughed; and the perfect moments filled with light.

This year—as I plan for tomorrow—I am going to be grateful that this is my life. I am going to remind myself of all the blessings I have seen every single day. I am going to be grateful that God had a plan much greater than mine—that has brought me so much heartache, but also brought me to a point that I had to search for Him.

The New Year is a fresh start from the past. It may not change some of the things that are hard—and that’s ok—because it has been those bumps that have brought me here. It has been those struggles that have strengthened me through the pain. It has been that pain that has pushed me to find faith in things much greater than myself. It has been that faith that has taught me I am right where I belong.  

 Happy New Years!!

We have had a week full of adventures. Going to be blogging about them in the next few days!! Stay tuned. 


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